I was 5 years old in 1990 when the beach volleyball cult classic Sideout was released in theaters. I then went 33 years before I realized this movie existed. When I heard it had appearances from a bunch of volleyball legends, my interest peaked. From Wikipedia:

“Many professional beach volleyball players appeared in the movie, such as 5-time world champion Randy Stoklos (who had the main speaking role of all the players as Rollo Vincent); Sinjin Smith (as Stoklos’ playing partner/character Billy Cross) who won 5 world championships with Stoklos and was the 1st player to reach 100 wins; Olympic gold medalist Kent Steffes; Steve Timmons, who won 2 Olympic gold medals in indoor volleyball; Mike Dodd, 5-time Manhattan Beach Open champion, 75 pro wins and an Olympic silver medal; Tim Hovland, 3-time All-American at USC and won $1 million in pro prize money; also Steve Obradovich (who also had a generous speaking part), Craig Moothart, Brent Frohoff, Ricci Luyties, Roger Clark, Pono Ma’a, Wally Goodrich, and Rudy Dvorak.”

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Side_Out

So I decided to watch Sideout for the first time, and live blog the experience. Let’s do it…

(0h 1:37m) – Guy in white jacket “You know Freddy Krueger? Much worse than him.” Uh oh. We’re less than 120 seconds in and already some legendarily bad acting from these 4 dudes at the airport.

(0h 2:18m) – Guy in white jacket apparently drives a black hearse from the 60’s with a license plate RESTNPC and the motto “From Here to Eternity.” I’m 100% back in.

(0h 3:26m) – Wiley Hunter (guy in white jacket) apparently uses the hearse as a celebrity grave-site tour bus called Gravesites of The Rich and Famous and doubles as an on-call taxi service. He is picking up our lead, named Monroe, who’s wearing a Varsity jacket for some reason and plays (or played?) for the Milwaukee Bucks.

(0h 5:26m) – First lol moment of the movie as we get a jumping fist pump “ALL RIGHT” from Monroe, who’s staying at his Uncle’s lavish mansion and is excited about the accommodations. Sidenote: neon pink opening credits (still rolling 5 minutes in) and 80’s tech pop background music really sending home the era in which this was made. Not sure what to make of Monroe yet, except he has a flair for the dramatic.

(0h 6:03m) – First look at Uncle Max’s assistant Marie, played by legendary supermodel Kathy Ireland!

(0h 8:36m) – Uncle Max is a real estate attorney. And a real dick it seems. Apparently Monroe is going to work for him (what happened to playing for the Bucks?) and his first gig is chasing down and evicting delinquent tenants. At least Uncle Max is going to let him do it in a fancy white Mercedes Benz company car.

(0h 10:30m) – It appears Uncle Max may have set Monroe up to fail here.

(0h 10:44m) – Our first look at a beach volleyball court!!!! The sand! The waves!

(0h 12:17m) – One of Uncle Max’s delinquent tenants, Zack Barnes, appears to be a beach volleyball legend. I’m guessing he’s retired, now coaching some youth sand 5 on 5. (I counted, it’s not 6’s.)

(0h 13:40m) – Zack, who we instantly love, is awesome with the kiddos, seems like a very nice guy… and… he owes some serious money to a serious guy who’s showed up at his club to collect.

(0h 14:54m) – First Monroe/Zack meeting. Zack wins this battle of the wits in a landslide, convincing Monroe that he isn’t actually Zack and sending him to the lifeguard station along with Mr. Serious.

(0h 15:37m) – Second lol moment of the movie. Mr. Serious throws Monroe’s briefcase about 100′ into the ocean to which Monroe exclaims “Aw jeez!” channeling his best Morty from Rick and Morty.

(0h 16:34m) – A solid minute of roller skating and girls’ butts on the strand. No notes. 10 out of 10.

(0h 17:29m) – First real volleyball action. Sinjin (Billy Cross) and Stoklos (Rollo Vincent) lose a point to which Rollo admonishes Billy, “You wanna be my partner you better be there every point!” Amazing. Monroe’s reaction, “That guy seems like a real jerk.”

(0h 18:58m) – White hat guy’s name is Wiley. Wiley challenges Steve Obradovich and Craig Moothart to a match, roping our guy Monroe in to play with him. Man was wearing a suit 30 seconds ago, now he’s going against OB. That escalated quickly. Monroe and Wiley are about to get destroyed. Is that… Paul Abdul? Straight up? Yesssssssssss. Also- Wiley’s got some hands!

(0h 23:51m) – We discover that Zack Barnes is “the original king of the beach” and was “Rollo’s first partner, taught Rollo everything he knows…”

(0h 24:24m) – Just decided that Wiley is my favorite character. I’m a Wiley guy. The White Stetson hat, the sleeveless Native American brown button down, the white suit jacket, the hearse, the confidence to challenge OB then the unassailable positivity as he gets smoked by OB. I’m a Wiley guy.

(0h 24:57m) – First real introduction to Samantha played by Courtney Thorne-Smith. Most recognizable actor/actress in the flick, by a wide margin.

(0h 25:41m) – WOW. WOW WOW WOW. I promise you I did not know Zack Barnes was going to be a gambler 1/2 hour ago when I started this movie. This changes everything.

(0h 27:30m) – Rollo and Zack throwing hands at the bar. Stoklos (Rollo) with a surprisingly good acting performance so far. And a solid right hook. Looks like Zack’s ex wife is Rollo’s current girlfriend, Kate?

(0h 30:44m) – I might be in love with Samantha.

(0h 31:45m) – 3rd lol moment: double fist pumps from Monroe as Samantha splashes around in her bikini in the pool.

(0h 32:29m) – ALL TIME CRINGE MOMENT ALERT! Monroe (to Samantha) “I just get the feeling we should be swimming upstream to spawn.” ugh. Douche chills. Monroe doesn’t deserve Samantha. At least not yet.

(0h 34:13m) – New motto for Bet the Beach courtesy of Wiley, trying to convince Monroe to play with him in a tournament in 2 weeks, “I’m talking about bump, set, spike. Chicks, brews, everything!” First training montage alert!!!!

(0h 45:59m) – Monroe and Wiley get smoked in the first round of the tournament by Steve Timmons and Ricci Luyties. Can’t leave those guys unblocked. But who’s going to block for the good guys?

(0h 49:03m) – Zack Barnes is a lefty!!!!!!

(0h 49:41m) – Zack (to Rollo), “You wouldn’t care to make a little wager on that would ya? A little bet?” I’m so happy right now. Might be the greatest movie of all time.

(0h 52:55m- 0h 55:58m) – Zack misses the big match against Stoklos and Sinjin cause he’s banging his ex. Meanwhile, out on Manhattan Beach, Monroe attempts to block Randy but it goes about as well as you’d expect. 1-0 pros. Wiley gets aced line, again. 2-0 pros. Terrible set from Monroe after a decent pass. 3-0 pros. Zack with some weird tongue action and a distant stare during foreplay with Kate. Wiley hits it into the net. 4-0 pros. Another ace, deep middle. 5-0 pros. Zack rips off Kate’s dress shirt, buttons be dammed. After an over on two, Wiley attempts to block and Monroe gets a touch, but it files out. 6-0 pros. Kate’s now pinned against the wall, things getting steamy. Ridiculous dig and kill by Stoklos, 7-0 pros. Its a jump set from Wiley, Monroe hits it into the net and blames Wiley for the set being too close. I thought it was a pretty set. 8-0 pros. Missionary now for Zack and Kate, I didn’t know you could show boobs in a PG-13? 9-1 now. Zack and Kate seem to have finished, “Don’t you have a game to coach?” Monroe and Wiley are at each other’s throats, and it’s all Monroe’s fault. Now Monroe checks Wiley into the post, possibly breaking his arm, then blames it on Wiley. Bad guy. Going to need a real fast character development arc from here on out to turn me around on Monroe.

(1h 00:12m) – Ask, and ye shall receive! Monroe, with a favorable court decision against Zack Barnes impending, stands up and brings to light a “technicality” that will force the judge to rule in Zack’s favor. Let the character development arc… BEGIN!

(1h 2:37m) – Kicked out of Uncle Max’s house, forced to return the White Benz, we get to see the “new” Monroe, sitting beachside, back in the Varsity Jacket, eating chips, all his bags by his side. What’s next for Monroe? A beach volleyball competition, perhaps??? (Author’s note: I promise I haven’t seen this before, it’s just terribly obvious.)

(1h 2:51m) – I’m on a hot streak now… not 14 seconds later a Spaulding volleyball rolls into Monroe’s leg. A sign? From God? It must be. But with Wiley injured who’s going to play with Monroe?!?!? (Author’s note: Zack Barnes, obviously.)

(1h 5:00m) – There it is. Monroe and Zack are teaming up to take down the big dogs. It was always going to be Monroe and Zack.

(1h 6:35m) – And there’s the apology for acting like a dick to Wiley. Bad guy to good guy character arc complete in just 11 minutes of runtime. Might be a new record!

(1h 13:25m) – Finally the Zack Barnes BACKSTORY! He lost a lot of money gambling on the horses, arranged to pay it back by throwing a volleyball match, then got cold feet last minute and no-showed on Rollo. Classic.

(1h 14:08m) – Billed as “The Grandaddy of them all” (sound familiar?), its the Jose Cuervo $100,000 Gold Crown Classic. Single elimination, and we’re starting over on court 6.

(1h 15:48m) – Round 1: Monroe/Zack v. Steve Obradovich and Craig Moothart

• Zack (a lefty) is playing left side? Curious decision.
• OB serves Monroe first, who has his swing dug by OB, who drills it middle for their first point of the game. 1-0 OB/Moothart
• OB is paying rent inside Monroe’s head now. Just called him “farmboy” and told him the “ball won’t hurt ya.” Two aces for OB and we have a timeout.
• Monster Block for Monroe on OB and we have serve for the first time.
• Whoaaaaa!!!! Deep jumbo knuckles for Monroe lands in and the kids got some touch!
• 4th lol moment of the movie. Steve Obradovich, “Nice hit, cheese dick!” They’re rattled now, for sure.
• Wow. OB and Moot decide to primarily serve Zack (the pro, remember) for some reason and it is a crucial miscalculation. Zack buries one up the seam for the win, 15-6. And we get a full on moon from OB. To the 2nd round we go!

(1h 19:39m) – Round 2: Monroe/Zack def. Hanson/Smith 15-10

(1h 19:46m) – Round 3: Monroe/Zack def. Tim Hovland and Mike Dodd 15-12

(1h 20:19m) – Quarterfinals : Monroe/Zack def. Smith/Young

(1h 21:00m) – Semis: Monroe/Zack def. Steve Timmons/Ricci Luyties 15-8

(1h 23:20m) – Uh oh. Kate comes around a few minutes prior to the finals. Pulls away from a kiss from Zack. Don’t get in his head now Kate! Don’t do it! Oh nooooooo. She says she’s got “hundreds of thousands of dollars riding on Rollo” to win this game. And Zack’s right back where he was all those years ago. What is he to do???

(1h 24:35m) – And there it is. Kate asks Zack to throw the game. That bitch!

(1h 24:59m) – CHRIS MARLOWE SHOT FROM THE BOOTH!!!!!

(1h 25:11m) – Finals: Monroe/Zack v. Rollo Vincent (Randy Stoklos) and Billy Cross (Sinjin Smith)

(1h 26:44m) – Zack shows up, he is late, but he’s here. Is he going to throw the match? He does not look happy. Goddamn it Kate.

• Great first rally, a nifty dig and line kill from Stoklos. 1-0 bad guys.
• Stoklos almost takes Monroe’s head off at the 10′ line. 2-0 bad guys.
• Sinjin with a nifty cut shot cross court. 3-0 bad guys.
• We get a head nod from Kate, indicating that Zack might be throwing the match. Monroe sees the interaction. But I’m skeptical. None of these first three points tell me Zack’s getting in line. Hmmmm

• There it is. That is a dig Zack would typically have. Instead, it flies wide and its 4-0 bad guys. Worse- it looks like Zack IS throwing the match.

• Zack’s shot sails long and out and its 5-0 bad guys. Timeout. Monroe knows what’s going on now, “It’s bullshit,” he says.
• Zack’s swing goes into the net. 6-0 bad guys.
• Zack can’t get to Monroe’s pass (not a terrible pass either) and its 7-0 bad guys.
• A ace for Stoklos just outside of Zack’s pathetic attempt. 8-0 bad guys.
• Clean swing there for Stoklos around Monroe’s block, angle. 9-0 bad guys.
• Ace for Stoklos right up the middle. 10-0 bad guys. “I hope you’re getting a lot of money old man, cause you’re blowing it.” Monroe admonishes Zack.
• Zack just picked a pretty late hour to decide not to throw this match. We see him look at Kate, look down, shake his head, and make a decision. He looks up, the fire is back in his eyes, and we know he’s back.

• Zack with a clean pass and a hard angle, tagging Stoklos on the shoulder. Good guys serve.
• Good guys dig a few hard shots and Zack swings cross at Stoklos again. 10-1 bad guys.
• Zack digs a good cross swing from Sinjin and puts it away deep middle 10-2 bad guys.
• No touch?!?!?! What???? Zack’s swing clearly finds Stoklos’ hands. Ref doesn’t see it, out called. Bad guys serve. Monroe is upset.

• Stoklos comes under the net and interferes with Monroe, no call. 11-2 bad guys.
• Sinjin can’t get to Zack’s swing, montage of successful points ensues, 11-7 bad guys.
• Zack’s line swing finds the sand again, 11-8 bad guys.
• Hard cross from Monroe after a diving dig from Zack and its 11-9 bad guys.

• Good guys can’t do wrong now. Passing is crisp. Sets are buttery soft and perfectly placed, and it seems like they’re elevating feet over the net on these swings. Everything is finding sand. 13-12 bad guys now.
• A fiery line serve from Zack gets the bad guys out of system and keeps them there through the rally. Zack’s getting to everything now, Stoklos hits it into the net at the end of a loooooong rally and its tied at 13-13.
• SKYBALLLLLLLL!!!!!!!! It drops right between Sinjin and Stoklos for an ACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Man I hope Adrian Carambula has seen this movie. 14-13 good guys, first lead of the match!

• Kate looks very upset now. Good. I’m glad. I hate Kate.
• Oh wow. Oh wow. Good guys just won the match on just about the ugliest double I’ve ever seen from Monroe trying to set Zack. I was waiting for over a minute for the referee to blow his whistle. Never came. Game over. Good guys win 15-13. Should have been 14-13, Sinjin’s serve. Rollo and Billy got screwed. Hate to say it, but its a fact.

And that’s where the movie ends. Hand in hand, raised to the sky. Zack Barnes and Monroe Clark are your Jose Cuervo Gold Crown champions.

A true character development story. Zack doesn’t make the same mistake from his youth. Monroe gets the girl (I still love you Samantha), and a great life lesson about whats really important. Kate’s in serious financial trouble now, and that is awesome, cause Kate sucked. Wiley’s new best buddy might be staying in town for awhile longer.

All that said, the missed double call almost ruins the movie for me. I imagine it probably did for a lot of volleyball players out there. The fact that nobody in the stadium, not even Sinjin and Randy, complained about the missed call, is a travesty. You can’t end a movie on that play. You just can’t. I know the movie is for a broad audience, not specifically the volleyball community. But, you need their support for a niche movie like this.

I’m not saying they should have had that call decide the game. I’m saying they should have cleaned up that set. Shoot it a few more times. Get it to come out cleaner. Maybe a bump set for the win. Or just some tighter hands. I’m shook. Nearly a perfect movie until that one hand set. Going to try to forget it, appreciate the movie for what it was. But that was a double. Next time I go to an AVP match I’m bringing a sign. “Monroe Clark doubled the ball.”

Chris DeTurk – March 19, 2024